A plot against the heart

I'm trying to figure out while all this... everything... is bothering me.

I get trapped inside my own frustration and I can't get out. I am trying to be the judge of things that can't be proven, but i fear most of the time my intuition isn't far off.

There are moments in life where my mind and my heart gang up against me. They come up with these ideas that logic and biblical truth can't refute. They form their own opinions and then they take me away...

I wish it was as easy as just a choice. It doesn't really feel like my heart has one. It can't just choose the right perspective. It just feels... and responds. So the question is how do I redirect my heart? How can I convince it to have empathy for things it doesn't understand?

How do I tell my heart to ignore my mind that that is constantly feeding in its own diagnosis of every situation. How can I trust someone else more than I trust myself? The real question of everything is do I guide all these situations and the results they produce, or does God? Do I really trust that God, whether it involves lies or no lies, evil or good, will bring it all together? Is he the protector or am I? And ultimately do I trust God to decide where there's darkness in mans heart? Or do I cast it upon myself to hate and punish those that are guilty for things that i'm sure are far more innocent than the evil in my own heart.

The problem is not getting information from my head to my heart, because my heart can absolutely not be trusted. It is getting to the point where I act on what I know despite what my heart may be saying. Even though my heart says to retreat and to hold on to all offenses, I have to find a way to be open, to love and accept, moving forward and saying YES when my heart is building walls, screaming, crying, and pleading.. NO.

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Oh God help me to leave judging to you. Help me to trust. Help me to love anyone with arms wide open and to learn to ignore my own personal vendettas.